When you decide to move to Los Angeles from the Deep South, a lot of people get upset. They comment that you are “moving to the land of fruits and nuts,” mothers force you to watch documentaries about local gangs that will kill you the second your plane lands, and you may even receive a letter from someone in your church suggesting that you should move to Spain instead of Los Angeles because if you do move to L.A., you’ll be forced to provide sexual favors to casting directors for a role (please note, I did indeed receive this letter.)
Fortunately, you quickly get used to the ignorance and begin to come up with reasons why you need to move here. “Someone needs to be a missionary to LA, why not me?” “I want to work in film and television and no matter what you say about Tyler Perry, there isn’t as much work in the south” or “this is my passion and I feel God calling me there.”
What you don’t realize is what kinds of Christians you’ll meet and conversations you’ll have once you’re in L.A. Here are six things that I didn’t realize would be a “thing” for Christians in L.A.:
1. Praise and Worship in most churches is very non-traditional.
I’ve lived in LA for four years now and I’ve gone to or visited five churches. Out of the five, only my current church plays songs that I recognize. For some odd reason, most of the churches I’ve been to stray from typical praise and worship songs and either play non-worship songs from popular bands that have a Christian theme to them or they only play songs that they’re personally written the day before.
Now, I’m not typically a traditionalist by any means. I don’t require dusty hymnals or a pipe organ and I’m not offended if the music is too fast or if they play a new song or two. But going from worshiping to the same 20 songs my whole life to never playing anything over a week old is hard. Also, I don’t think U2’s A Beautiful Day really makes anyone feel like they’re worshiping Jesus.
2. Because the churches are bigger, you tend to get lost in the crowd, and you’re lonely nearly all the time.
Logic says that you’re in a big city with a lot of people in it and you’re going to have a million friends. Reality is, even though you’re surrounded by people, it’s so easy to be completely invisible. Most of the churches here are very large. My wife and I went to a church for six months and desperately tried to get involved just to find friends, but nothing worked. I just went to church, sat in the back, and secretly missed my mommy. It wasn’t until two years later when we started going to a church that pushed community groups that we finally got involved in one. Even still, it took us a year to feel comfortable and make an LA family. I spent months just forcing myself and my wife to go listen to everyone talk about SAG cards and juicing vegetables.
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3. You also have entirely too many conversations about whether Christians should drink.
I’ve been to a variety of churches out here. At some, drinking alcohol is no big deal. It’s just part of the culture. Others, you’ll be having a bible study hangout night and someone will bring a bottle of wine and the host goes bananas.
What I don’t like is the disrespect going on. If you don’t believe that drinking is ok and you say, “Well, I’m a Christian, so I don’t drink” just to make everyone else in the room feel awful, then you deserve to be kicked in the teeth. Is that what you wanted? Did you accomplish what you intended? You made everyone who doesn’t agree with you feel insulted. And at the same time, if someone says out loud that they have a problem with it, but you get snarky and either complain or bring alcohol anyway, you should be punched by an elephant with a opposable thumb. You know… so they can form a fist.
The issue here is love and respect. I don’t mind having this conversation for the thousandth time, but if I do, it doesn’t need to be a heated debate. If you come into the conversation open minded, love the other person enough to listen and respect their opinion, then it’s not such an awful conversation to have.
4. Christians still don’t talk about pornography or masturbation.
According to the Washington Times, a study by the Barna Group shows that 64 percent of Christian men and 15 percent of Christian women admitted to viewing pornography at least once a month. That’s just the people who admit to being addicted to pornography. Pornography is on of the biggest epidemics in the church and it’s rarely touched or spoken about.
In Alabama, when it came time to talk about sexual purity, my youth group spent six weeks showing videos and pictures of people infected with STDs. When conversations about pornography came up, it wasn’t often in youth group. The conversation was between you and your close friends. Granted, some pastors did talk about it, but it was usually an attempt to scare you off or an invitation to talk about it personally (which is incredibly awkward). No pastor ever wanted to address it as a group.
Since people on the west coast tend to be more open about topics such as drinking, I assumed that there would be more conversations about pornography, but no. In fact, there are less.
On several occasions, I attempted to connect with a group of other guys who wanted to hold each other accountable, but there were no groups to be found. There weren’t any classes, small groups, or sermons ever on the subject. I had to start my own group that lasted until we lost our location. To this day, I still find this an odd challenge. An issue that every guy deals with is somehow never addressed. We have groups for people who want to discuss the philosophy and theology of Adam Sandler movies, but not on how to stay pure? To quote Mugatu, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
5. No one is married and when you tell them that you’re in your twenties and married they look at you like you’re an alien.
I got married the year after I graduated college. I was 24 and I turned 25 later that year. When people see me wearing a wedding ring, they freak out. I’m not exaggerating. This happens all the time.
At the college I went to in Florida, people were getting married so quickly that the phrase “ring by spring” became a true statement. My freshman year, my 20 year old roommate got married before our second semester and never came back. It’s incredibly common in the south to marry early. In Los Angeles, it’s more common to get married in your mid to late thirties, after you have had some success in your career. When you’re in LA and you’re young and married, you get the most awkward questions and statements. “Why would you do that?” “But you have so much life to live.” “How do you know it’ll work out?”
The fact is, I don’t. I don’t even feel like I got married young. I just know that I loved her, so we got married.
We all need to start loving each other and making LA our home.
Whether you believe drinking alcohol or eating sugar is a sin, we all need to start respecting and loving each other.
John 13:34-35: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Luke 14:27, “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”Every day each of us has to get up and carry our own cross and follow Jesus. We need to read the bible, talk to our family, friends and pastors, then ask God what is sin what isn’t. Take this opportunity to stop and think about what’s important. What’s a minor doctrinal issue and what’s something major? Do you need to lose a friend over something that you disagree on? If they are doing something that’s causing them to walk away from Christ, then by all means go to them in love and have a conversation. Otherwise, we need to stop telling each other how to live and we need to start focusing on how personally we can live fully for Christ.
Luke 6:42 – “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”LA is a lonely place. Everyone is trying to get somewhere and if you don’t establish a family here you won’t last. How can you reach out to someone lonely and in the process allow yourself to be freed from loneliness? Think you’re the only person who feels alone? You’re wrong. This is a city filled with people who need you.
The fact is, we need each other, we need Jesus, and we need to reach this city with the message of Christ. Let’s start today.