My favorite monologue jokes from this week and some old ones:
- Chris Hansen has announced that he wants to use Kickstarter to raise money to bring back the popular TV show, “To Catch a Predator.” Where better to get funding for “To Catch a Predator” than to request donations from trolls on the internet?
- A recent college graduate took a different approach to finding a job by handing out his resume to drivers along the streets of Tampa. Which was a complete success. He now has a job at law firm. Handing out flyers.
- Great news, the United States, has it’s first set of all-girl quintuplets. According to reports coming in, they’re already asking the US to buy them a car.
- A company called the Breathometer created an app this week that tells you when your breath stinks. In other news, apparently my breath always stinks.
- According to a recent study by the the National Academy of Sciences, the likelihood of you surviving a tsunami increases if you just walk a little faster. You don’t even want to know what happens if you start running.
- A Danish fast food restaurant is raising eyebrows by being the first company to sell sex toys alongside its food. First company? Wait, you’re telling me Grimace wasn’t a sex toy?
- An alleged underage drinker at a College Station music festival got herself out of going to prison by beating an officer in a game of rock, paper, scissors. No word yet if she’ll get out of the drug charges. They’re still playing Monopoly.
- An 83 year old Texas woman successfully fought off a burglar with stick and boiling water. Which is impressive, but I’m just curious. What the hell was she cooking? Stick soup?