Monologue Joke Thursday 4.2.15 | Topher Harless
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Monologue Joke Thursday 4.2.15

Carson

I’ve decided to start posting some of the monologue jokes that I write during the week.  Most of these won’t see the light of day, so maybe you’ll get a light chuckle from them.  Maybe.  Expect nothing.

 

My favorite monologue jokes from this week and some old ones:

  1. A teenager in India prevented herself from getting raped by cutting off her attackers’ penis before he could assault her. When asked to comment, he just stood there like an idiot with his dick in his hands.
  2. A white professor at Arizona State University has created a controversial course in his new class schedule called “U.S. Race Theory & the Problem of Whiteness. The first section of the class is mainly complaining about getting the wrong latte at Starbucks.
  3. According to the Washington Post, Couples who smoke marijuana are less likely to engage in domestic violence. Also, they’re less likely to engage in picking up their kids from school.
  4. In a new study, American babies laugh less than Dutch babies do. In another study, Dutch babies tell the best jokes.
  5. Tara Reid, concerned people across the world when she posted pictures of herself an a bikini that showed her looking shockingly thin. There would be more on this story, but I couldn’t keep looking at those pictures. Damn girl, eat a sandwich.
  6. The Secret Service is purchasing software that will allow them to watch users of social networks in real time and has the ability to detect sarcasm. Which is just soooo great.
  7. A 20-year-old mother who allegedly abandoned her baby girl at one of New York City’s busiest subway stations was found at a Starbucks yesterday. Which is crazy because mothers who abandon their kids are usually found at an Apple-bees.

 

 

*These were all written by me.  If anyone helped on a joke, I will indicate so beneath it.*

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